jonathan.

A concept. A feeling. A plan. A man.

jonathan is ready to work.

He is not afraid of labour.

Jonathan knows how to work hard. Jonathan is ready for any and all work that comes his way. Jonathan can’t wait for you to hire him.

jonathan is a beast in the boardroom.

jonathan knows how to run a meeting.

Jonathan knows how to do hard labour and soft labour. Jonathan can command any room. He knows how to write on a whiteboard and details business plans.

jonathan is a business boy.

jonathan knows about synergy.

Synergy. Innovation. Progress. Profits. Capitalism. Businessman. Development. Stakeholders. Meetings. Shares. Executives. Corporate.

jonathan can see opportunity.

Jonathan knows where to look.

Jonathan can see what needs to be done. He has his eye on developing your business. He has a vision for future growth.

jonathan is not afraid to get his hands dirty.

Jonathan does not shy away from hard work.

Jonathan will roll up his sleeves and get deep in the trenches. Jonathan will put whatever shit on his hands he needs to in order to blast your profits into ungodly territory.

jonathan is cool.

Jonathan will make you all feel embarrassed for existing.

Jonathan will always be the coolest man in the room. It will make you feel deeply uncomfortable at first, but then you will realize it only elevates your own coolness.

jonathan is an expert of disguise and corporate espionage.

Jonathan will find all of your competitors secrets.

Jonathan knows how to hide inside an adversary’s boardroom and hear all about their latest trend forecasting and upcoming marketing plans. He will then sell those secrets back to you and you will quadruple your money.

jonathan will never be caught sitting down on the job.

Jonathan is always standing.

Jonathan has a standing desk. And takes a running lunch. And shits standing in the shower to save time. Jonathan knows that sitting is for communists and failures.

jonathan respects women.

You’ll never get an hr complaint from him.

Jonathan knows that a real man only sexually harasses motorcycles shaped like women and anime pillows. Jonathan supported #MeToo and wished Hillary Clinton was elected.

jonathan respects animals.

he believes in the power of cats and dogs.

Jonathan thinks that dogs deserve beer and cats deserve weed. He would never kick a seagull. He only eats crayfish because they feel no pain. He once fed a mouse a piece of his birthday cake.